Archive for Publishing
October 25, 2008 at 8:46 am · Filed under Books, Excitement, Hawaii, Internet, Publishing
Yay! My memoir just hit Amazon in both paperback and hardcover editions! If you look closely you’ll see that I am offering a special deal through my own Amazon Seller account. If you order from me through Amazon you’ll get an autographed card or bookmark, shipped directly from me to you! The book will ship from my publisher (Lulu).
Just look over to the right of this post, second column from the right. Click on “Best Price” to go straight to the page that offers the above mentioned autograph package. It’s that simple!
Mahalo, and enjoy!
JMK
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October 12, 2008 at 10:07 am · Filed under Excitement, Humor, Military, Opinion, People, Publishing, Writing
So here it is. In the past, I’ve heard a good number of people being casually dismissive of the military. You don’t see it so much these days, what with the patriotic frenzy that GWB’s color coded threat level indicators have given us in the post 9/11 era. But before all of that, there was a sort of commonly accepted disdain for the military mind.
I never really understood it as a child. My biological father was a veteran of Vietnam. Growing up I always had the utmost respect for, and was truly even in awe of, the folks who served in our nation’s uniform. I’d watch movies like Where Eagles Dare and Tora! Tora! Tora! as a child and think about how proud I would be to follow in such proud footsteps.
While in the military I met some very bright individuals. I also met some severely under-informed fools. But never did I find a real reason to cast a negative hue upon the broader image of the military that had been so carefully burned into my mind from childhood. That is, at least, not until now.
As part of promoting my book I’ve been taking a more active roll in the military groups found at MySpace. A recent bit of discourse in one of those groups left me scratching my head, but now I think I understand where people may get their poor impressions of the U.S. Military—from online military communities. If there are other forums, message boards, or what have you where “conversations” similar to the one I just had take place with any regularity, it’s no small wonder that some negative sentiment towards the military exists.
Because my book is about the military, I figured that would be a good starting point for locating informed readers capable of providing reliable and accurate feedback. I wouldn’t, for instance, have approached the Southwestern Peanut Growers Association for help with my Navy book. Or would I? Perhaps, according to the (ill-)logic of these brilliant, and oh so humble, military minds.
You can read the whole discussion for yourself at the link above, or you can just scan the summary below:
ME) “Hi! I’m Justin. I have written a book about my time in the Navy. I’m having a contest where you can win a free copy.”
GROUP MOD) “[Ape sounds...] Five whole years. Good bars, Hawaii. [Grunting noises.] Me want movie.”
ME) “I’m sorry, come again? Just so you know, I did this, this, and this while I was in the Navy. If that doesn’t interest you, fine. Someone else might like it.”
GROUP MOD) “[Farting sound.] Canned meat gives me gas. I’m tired from two years of picking SPAM off of bony children. I am much smarter than a monkey. [Peels a banana and farts again.]“
pause…
“Me found BOLD key! [Grunting noises.]“
pause…
“[Tears in eyes.] I want to be your dad. I was in the military. I’m old now. [Adjusts his dentures. Smacking sounds.] I got injured and quit. Dammit. [Pulls two six guns off his hips and shoots around the room while dancing like Yosemite Sam. Spits on barrels to cool them before re-holstering.]“
pause…
“Thanks for serving, but you’re an asshole. [Picks out a wedgie.] Your life is boring compared to my own. I hate people under 50. [Scratches his balls.]“
pause…
“Welcome to the group. Go away.”
ME) “Wow. You’re an asshole with a dwarf complex. You acted as if I was clueless about the subject, so I provided my experience as my credentials. I never laid claim to being better than anyone, but when someone questions my integrity I make a habit of responding. By the way, your groups welcome message says ‘[Post anything and everything related to military, police, or firefighters]‘ so, that’s what I did. I apologize for following your own rules. You have been taken off my Christmas list.”
GROUP MOD) “[Whining sound. Nose running. Lip caked in snot.] Please leave, I’m having a bowel movement.”
GROUP MEMBER 1) “That was kind of funny.”
GROUP MEMBER 2) “Yeah. And foolish.”
GROUP MEMBER 3) “Even though you just quoted the group guidelines and proved that you were following our rules, I’m going to squawk like a parrot and repeat some nonsensical words to you. You didn’t read the rules. Ha! [Engorges a rather large cracker without chewing.]“
ME) “Wait a minute. Again, I only did what your groups introductory paragraph told me to do. There are a lot of members to this group and, even though you have no interest in my story, there may be others who will. Thanks for your time. Be sure to vote liberal!”
GROUP MEMBER 3) “Dude, I’m sooooo much older than you! Like, wow! Gross! You speak good words? Like, real English and stuff? That’s so incredibly boring. Loser!“
GROUP MEMBER 4) “One time, I saw a squirrel save a submarine from a terrorist plot to sell them more magazines than they needed. It was sooooo boring.”
ME) “[Quoting Reno 911!: Miami] I’d like to know where you are at all times so I can avoid you. That would be nice.”
pause…
“I was only defending myself.”
GROUP MOD) “Take this bitch! [Cat slaps me.] I can make my text redder, bigger, and more ignorant than yours! Aha! [Leans in and whispers in my ear.] Hey, wanna “seal the deal?“
awkward pause…
“By the way, nobody from ’round these here parts has no lovin’ in their hearts for no garsh dang English teacher whatzit nor not. Now if you’ll excuse me I was watching Alicia Silverstein in that movie where she’s all sexy and stuff. I just bought a new bottle of lotion, too. [Low growling sounds followed by an erie chuckle.]“
GROUP MEMBER 5) “This is kind of ridiculous guys.”
GROUP MEMBER 6) “I got there first! Na na na na na na!”
GROUP MOD 2) “[Monkey calls.] Ooga, boogah! Me no like, go way! Someone read me a bedtime story once about boats and now I know how they work. I know now that I have to break up with my boyfriend. [Sobs.]“
GROUP MOD) “Yeehaw! [Slaps his boots to knock loose a persistent piece of dung.]“
GROUP MEMBER 7) “I wasn’t part of the original discussion, but here’s my opinion anyway. Books are for dumb people. Reading is a waste of time, especially since I’ve already done everything that there is to do in the entire world. Foolish mortal.”
GROUP MEMBER #8) “[Indiscernible.]“
Anyway, you get the idea. I did not approach those people with the intent of being an asshole to them. I have written and published a military book. Does it seem odd that I might expect to find some interested readers in the military community? I wasn’t even after sales, directly. I mean no businessman turns down a legitimate sale, don’t get me wrong. But I was listing the instructions to enter for a free copy of the book. How, precisely, that is intrusive or somehow resource consuming (in reference to the SPAM accusation) is beyond me.
I do not see myself as above anyone. I didn’t list my contest in that group because I wanted everyone to see how superior I am to them. I posted there because I trusted their opinions, being that they are my peers, and I hoped to get some honest feedback. Instead what I got was a lot of chest beating and saber rattling. It’s sad that such folks exist, but let me be the first to defend the wider military community.
While there are some fools such as these lurking about in this world, be certain that they are a minority. Even though they have a tendency to focus their voices in what seem to be large numbers, it is usually out of desperation for the fact that their message is so small when compared to the voice of reason. Extremists from any walk of life are an unwanted burden upon the already taught strings of social harmony. It is our job to make sure that their voice is always drowned out with the echoes of truth and nature.
Thank you for your time, and have a great day.
JMK
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October 9, 2008 at 9:55 am · Filed under Books, Excitement, Government, International, Military, Publishing, Radio, Technology, Writing
Fictitious insomuch as I will be writing fiction, short fiction to be exact. I’ve already had way too much time to finish my first novel and the damn thing is still sitting at 3 chapters long. Why? Well, because the third chapter that I wrote was so corny, so BAD in it’s attempt at police procedure, that I subconsciously chose to abandon it. At least, that’s my theory.
Last night I spent a few minutes as a caller to a fairly popular Internet talk radio show called The Odd Mind. Wednesday is their open mic night, so I was just there for lack of anything better to do. I got a short plug for my book out of it though, and I managed to plug a really good book called Where Hell Freezes Over, so it wasn’t all for naught.
One thing that I quickly realized while listening and talking with the folks at The Odd Mind was that I simply am not writing enough fiction to harbor an honest hope of breaking into that genre. With this blog, and with my book Five Years in Hawaii I’ve been pretty focused on nonfiction topics and related issues. As a result, I’ve done very little fiction writing. It’s time now for that to change.
Because my three ugly little chapters have been sitting in the silicon of my computer for almost a year now, I’ve decided to move on. I still intend to write that story, but I will start over from scratch. In order to make sure that my new attempt doesn’t go the same way as my old one, I’m going to do some writing exercises, if you will.
What this means to you, my brilliant readers, is that I am going to start a series of short stories to develop my characters as they would have existed before the opening of my novel. I will publish these short stories here on my blog, under the heading of Short Fiction. I haven’t decided how often this will happen, or if I really even want to box myself into a schedule (such as one per week), but rest assured it will happen.
Who knows, maybe I’ll garner a meager following for my characters prior to writing the full deal in novel form. This would help with sales later on, for sure, but it would also allow me to get feedback from potential readers before going to press. I’m fairly excited about this!
And so, there you have it. I will be publishing short bits of fiction here on my blog that will involve the characters and settings that will be found in my first novel. These stories will be a sort of fusion between MilFi and SciFi. The plots will deal with government, military, and international espionage—but the vehicles for telling the story will center around high tech gadgetry and technological wizardry.
I hope to see you all on the forthcoming Short Fiction pages in the very near future! Until then, thank you for your time!
JMK
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October 7, 2008 at 9:20 am · Filed under Books, Excitement, People, Publishing, Writing
It’s no secret that marketing a new book can serve as a sort of heat test for self publishing authors. Often, a very brilliant and creative mind can find itself lost when faced with the task of switching gears from creative thought to business activity. I know now that I am no different.
I’ve done some good things, like ordering post cards, business cards, fridge magnets, and so on. But when it comes down to being face to face with a potential reader, I have yet to master the “pitch.” I carry business cards with me all the time, but this doesn’t always equate to viral marketing.
Just last night I was at the post office shipping a paperback version of my book to Mojo Steve for a review on his blog. Steve has successfully reviewed other books authored by military types, though this is the first time he’s seen any of my work. He did a review for a book called Time Well Wasted, written by a former military police officer named David Haines who served in the 10th Mountain Division while deployed in Somalia—before the infamous Black Hawk Down incident.
Anyway, while I was at the post office a loquacious young man who was roughly my age toook a spot behind me in line. He began posing rhetorical questions very loudly.
“I wonder if I can ship fireworks through this office…or maybe C-4?”
To which I responded…
“Maybe some rusty ammunition?”
He concurred.
“Yeah, some really rusty ammunition.”
At this point one of the two little girls who had been buzzing around their mother’s legs at the first service window cast my new acquaintance and I a fuzzy sort of look and took off into the adjoining hallway. Her sister decided instead to latch onto her mother’s leg. Upon seeing this, the young man standing behind me blurted out a question for the mother.
“Are those both your girls?”
She didn’t hear him at first.
“Ma’am, are those both your girls?”
She turned around, understandably sheepish in composure, and said, “Yes they are.”
He then went in for the kill.
“You look really good for a woman with two children.”
This riled up the natives.
“Quit hitting on my customers! This isn’t a singles bar.”
But my friend quickly retorted.
“What? What’s wrong with people? I try to give the woman a compliment and the first thing everyone assumes is that I want to get her in bed?”
At this point the second little girl decided that she had no part in the ensuing conversation and she joined her sister in the hallway. I was waiting for the mother to join the postal clerk, who was still chiding the young man for his antics. Instead, she turned to him and said something that surprised me.
“Actually, I have three kids.”
It was at that point that I released a loud bit of laughter, and most of the postal clerks joined me. Upon finishing her business with the clerk the woman gathered up the two of her three children that were present and left the building. My wife tells me that she stopped to read my car door magnet, which bears the cover of my memoir and has the words “READ MY BOOK” plastered all around it in multiple colors, before herding the girls into her own vehicle. Hopefully she went home and Googled my book, which could mean that she is a potential sale. She was in a great mood from having been complimented and then the words, “Five Years in Hawaii” caught her eye, so I’m guessing that my hope isn’t that far fetched.
But after she left, the joviality remained. Everyone was laughing and joking with each other about the incident, and it was then that I learned of the previously existing friendship between my loquatious new friend and the postal clerks in that office. They seemed to enjoy the whole thing very much. The topic of conversation quickly changed to the SNL depiction of the VP debate, more specifically Tina Fey’s portrayal of Sarah Palin. Soon after I completed my official business with the USPS and marched right out the door.
The problem here is that even though one of those people saw my car door magnet and may have gone home to Google me, I had a chance to give out several more business cards. The friendly and inviting atmosphere in that office would have been perfect entrée to hand out promotional material. Everyone there was happy, and everyone was in agreement—seemingly so anyhow—about Tina Fey from SNL. I could have had a handful of possible sales, but instead I did nothing. I left the building, entered my vehicle, and drove away.
Now, I’m not always this stupid. I have actually handed out a good number of business cards in what I would consider to have been successful contacts in my networking efforts. It would seem that I am split almost 50/50 in terms of good networking encounters and bad. This is all well and good, but when the day comes for me to hit the road for signings and/or speaking engagements, I simply cannot afford to miss opportunities like that because my exposure to specific geographic areas will be very time constrained.
Anyway, enough blabbering from me for one morning. Thanks for reading!
JMK
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October 4, 2008 at 8:37 am · Filed under Books, Business, Excitement, International, Publishing, Writing
Yeah baby, yeah! I feel like Austin Powers on a caffeine trip! No, not because of an illegal substance, but because I finally managed to get some real marketing done with respect to my book. I had ordered business cards from a popular online printer, and they turned out great. But that was as far as my budget was supposed to allow me to go.
- Postcards, Fridge Magnets, and Business Cards
Then I got an email from the printer telling me that I could get a lot of really cool shit for free, so I did! Now, this “cool shit” comes in limited quantities as compared to a paid order, and I still had to pay shipping. But I’ll be damned if I didn’t get the makings of a press kit for under $12. Included were 100 postcards, 25 fridge magnets, a crap load of return address labels, and even a car door magnet!
- Car Door Magnet
To be sure this was a brilliant marketing strategy on the part of that online printer. They overcharged me, no doubt, for the first order of 250 business cards. Then, they hooked me like a fish with the “free offer” that followed. I’m not complaining though. I think the whole deal worked out pretty well, and you better believe that I’ll be going back to them for more.
Anyway, deciding what to do with the post cards was pretty easy. The ISBNs for both the paperback and the hardcover versions of Five Years in Hawaii are on the card, as well as a direct link to the book on Lulu where the recipients can order at bulk prices beginning with orders as small as 10 copies (as of 28 October 2008). About half will go to domestic (area and regional), independent bookstores who are able to make the carry/drop decision without calling “corporate.” The other half are slated for an audience I hadn’t even considered.
Had it not been for the Bookstore Guide (Europe), a blog written by “Sonja and Ivan,” I would never even have considered mailing out promotional material to bookstores in foreign markets. But, because their blog centers around independent bookstores that specifically cater to an English speaking clientele (and even to Ex Pats in many cases), the opportunity was hard to overlook. Plus, because the dollar is weak compared to the Euro, the purchasing power of these independent shops is comparatively stronger than the average U.S. mom and pop bookstore.
Seeking my 1st trade magazine review!
Finally, I decided also to take the plunge and seek out my first review in a trade magazine. I chose The New York Review of Books because their submission process seemed to be the most democratic, or at least seemed to give the best odds for someone like myself with limited funds for advertising and marketing materials to be considered for review. There is no fee, but there is also no guarantee.
It’s possible that the book pictured above will simply slip into the abyss. Of course, I think that the potential to benefit from this move outweighs the cost (1 copy of my book that is out of my hands), and I’m keeping a positive attitude about the whole thing. Who knows, maybe I’ll get that review—after all, I included a fridge magnet, a postcard, and a business card. Combine those with a hand-written note to Robert Silvers along with my signature to polish the whole thing off and maybe, just maybe, I’ll win the editor’s heart.
Thanks for reading!
JMK
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